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A WARNINGThe purpose of this article is to serve as a warning to both those who suffer from Bipolar Disorder, and those who care for them. This isn't about research I have done to inform you about Bipolar Disorder, this is reflections from my life to show you how important it is to seek proper care, educate yourself about Bipolar Disorder, and to learn the warning signs of episodes before they get out of control. There is so much you can do for yourself and your loved ones. You just have to take the time to learn. The young lady that I was going to marry suffers from Bipolar Disorder, as I do. She recently decided to stop taking all of her meds. Now she is completely out of hand, she has attacked members of her family, she isolates herself, and she has surrounded herself in her own little fantasy world where she doesn't have to take responsibility. This, of course, is a problem that she has had for a long time. The problem is, who is really to blame? I blame myself, because maybe I pushed too hard to get her to start taking responsibility and stop living in a fantasy world, and in the end, I allowed her to push me away. I blame her doctor's, because apparently they didn't do enough to get her stabilized, and get her the counseling she needed to learn to face the real world. I blame her, because she decided to stop fighting, not realizing the pain and destruction she is causing. Most of all, I blame her family. They never took the time to educate themselves about Bipolar Disorder. They never made her take responsibility for her life. They allowed her to become this self destructive person because of their ignorance and neglect. What makes this all the worse is that she has a son who will probably never know what it is like to have a loving, responsible mother. There was a time when I refused treatment, and I was the equivalent of a time bomb ticking away. Nobody knew what to expect from me, or when. One time on my Grandfather's farm, the bull broke through the fence onto the neighboring farm. We went to get the bull back, and he was being very uncooperative. My Grandfather was in the truck running him down, and I was on foot getting ready to close him in the pens. Finally, the bull runs into the pen, but he turns and stops. I felt something inside me snap. I stood there, empty handed, staring right into the eyes of that bull telling him to go home. My grandfather was in the truck about 20 feet away, yelling at me to get in the truck. I could hear him, but it was like he was in another world. I just stood there, facing that bull down. Finally, the bull turned back and went through the gate. It would be interesting to know what that bull was thinking. There were many more manic moments, like climbing high voltage towers, playing with home-made explosives, and driving like I was qualifying for the Grand Prix. Also, there were the severely depressed moments. Trying to cut my wrist with barbed wire to make it look like an accident, staring down the barrel of a pistol, and the list goes on. If I had taken the time to keep a journal back then, I'm sure I would be horrified to sit down and read it. It was during one of my manic episodes that I learned a very valuable lesson. My Grandfather was constantly complaining about a fence that needed to be fixed, but would never go do anything about it. It finally got me to the point that I was going to fix that fence, by myself if necessary, just to shut him up. I started working on it as soon as it was light enough to see. He found me about lunch time, and started helping out until a thunderstorm started rolling in. He took off, probably figuring that I would be coming after him. There wasn't anything that was going to stop me from fixing that fence. Lightning hit the fence somewhere towards the other end, and the jolt I got was enough to put me on my butt, and burn a hole through the sole of my right boot. It was enough to bring me to my senses. The lesson I learned that day changed my life. I learned that if you tempt God long enough, God is going to put you back in place. That is what finally urged me to stop wasting away my life, and to seek help. Sometimes people have to learn lessons the hard way. Hopefully those of you who read this will take the warning, and take the time to educate yourself, and seek proper care.
BY RICHARD SUTPHEN
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