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Susan M
Hi, my name is Susan, I'm 31 and I was diagnosed with Bipolar about 3 weeks ago. I have to admit that this has hit me pretty hard... as if the depression I was already feeling wasn't enough. You see, I've always been the kind of person who felt like I should have ALL control over my body - my thoughts, my actions, my feelings. Even when I would make a really irresponsible decision in my life and do something stupid, I still, somehow, convinced myself that this is what "I WANTED" to do. Since I was sixteen, I've had 40 different jobs, moved 40 different times, been married and divorced twice (to the same man - whom I am currently with again,) and engaged to two other men. I haven't figured out just how many relationships I've been in between the times my ex and I have been together, but I would venture to say more than the number of jobs or moves. My favorite word all these years has been RUN!!! And when I run, I always take off for another state so "the people" can't keep me from doing what I WANT to do. I've quit excellent jobs making great money (awesome money for someone who could never get it together long enough to finish college). I have two small children that I left behind each time I ran. Looking back over my patterns, I run when I am manic and I come back when I am depressed. I tried to run again 3 weeks ago, but this time I was determined that I was not going anywhere. I made a commitment to my ex, to my children and to myself that I would not leave here ever again, no matter what - I will die here. So, I basically had a nervous breakdown trying to fight the fleeing feelings. My doc currently has me on meds that really aren't working, but I am scheduled to start seeing a Psych at the end of the month to get my meds regulated. Did I mention that I hate to take medicine??? I just want to say thank you to everyone who has shared their story on here. In trying to understand this disorder better, I feel that I've received the best information from the real experts... those who are actually experiencing it themselves. written by Susan Mace
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